Things I Can't Do

I know what you’re thinking, but it’s true.

1) I can’t dance - I’ve tried channeling Jennifer Beals in her leg warmers but I’m not getting it. I don’t have that “groove gene”. I can’t “engage” with the beat. My body doesn’t connect with the rhythm.



2) I can’t make biscuits – sure I can do Bisquick’s drop biscuits, I’m not dim-witted, I just can’t roll them out and get them to rise all nice and fluffy.


3) I can’t roll my R’s – I live in Arizona for crimany sakes, but the alveolar trill still eludes me.


4) I can’t drive a stick shift – I don’t want to talk about it


5) I can’t watch a movie all the way through – I’m a tad ADHD, something better may be happening in the other room and I need to check it out.


6) I can’t apply liquid eyeliner


7) I can’t hyperlink – oh yes, thank you, I do have the code, I still can’t do it.


8) I can’t remember anything about geometry – base angles, acute angles, equiangular, hypotenuse.


9) I can’t quell my sarcastic nature – yeah right, like you haven’t figured that out already.